Ted Cruz: Zodiac Killer?


Poor Ted. Not only has he been accused of being the Zodiac Killer, been called “Lucifer in the flesh” by John Boehner, and “Lyin’ Ted” by Trump, but his father Rafael has been linked to Lee Harvey Oswald. Sheesh, let’s give the guy a break!

Yesterday he dropped out of the Republican presidential race after his loss to Trump in Indiana. Not a graceful exit, either. After his concession speech, he accidentally elbowed and punched his wife in the face. Poor Heidi! She has been such a staunch defender of her husband too, asserting in a Vanity Fair exclusive that he is not the Zodiac Killer.



Well, he may not be the Zodiac Killer, and his father may not be an accomplice to Lee Harvey Oswald, but he sure needs to watch his elbows and fists. If I were you, Heidi, I would be careful NOT to stand by your man. You might end up black and blue.


New York Values


(photo by Jeffrey Zeldman)

New Yorkers don’t
eat pizza with a fork

New Yorkers will
give you directions if you
ask and don’t look too

New Yorkers don’t
smile all the time
but do
when it counts

New Yorkers don’t
like bull shit
and people telling us
who or what we are:
“socially liberal, pro-abortion,
pro-gay marriage, and
focus on money and the media.”

Some of those things are true
for some of us
but we don’t like
being labeled.
Do you?

We can do without you too,
Mr. Cruz
Don’t do any stumping
on our shores
or we’ll get our skankiest
Port Authority pigeons
to shit all over you