Pat Robertson: Fifty Shades of Weird

blue demon

Jack Keene

Pat Robertson, former Baptist preacher, media mogul and founder and chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network (“CBN”) warns us of demons in the thrift store. His program can be seen in 200 countries and can be heard in 70 languages. His 700 Club program is seen daily by about one million people. One viewer wrote in for advice on the demon matter:

“I buy a lot of clothes and other items at Goodwill and other secondhand shops. Recently my mom told me that I need to pray over the items, bind familiar spirits, and bless the items before I bring them into the house. Is my mother correct? Can demons attach themselves to material items?”

Robertson’s answer:

”Can demonic spirits attach themselves to inanimate objects? The answer is yes. But I don’t think every sweater you get from Goodwill has demons in it. In a sense your mother is just being super cautious, so hey — it isn’t gonna hurt you any to rebuke any spirits that might attach themselves to those clothes.”

Well, there you have it. Demons can insinuate themselves into moth-eaten sweaters. Is there a scientific basis for this belief? Oh, no, not since Creationism undermines Christianity. Never mind, no need to think. What are the markers for demonized apparel, and what will happen if we forget to pray over it? Pat, we need answers! I will certainly avoid Goodwill from now on. And what about the Salvation Army? Do they offer demon-free apparel?

He leads the fold on a path of righteous ignorance, and ignorance goes hand in hand with fear. As my husband aptly pointed out, the only “sin” in Buddhism is ignorance. But I don’t believe Robertson believes in the Buddha.

More on Demons
Pat also advised a mother of the possible repercussion s of her daughter posting fetal ultrasound photos on Facebook:

“I don’t think there is any harm in it,” he said. “But I tell you, there are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child. You never know what somebody’s going to do.”

Okay, so no thrift stores and no fetal photos on Facebook. What else have we to fear?

Fifty Shades of Demons, I Mean “Grey
Charisma pundit and director of Messiah’s Mandate International, Ron Cantor, cautions on the dangers of Fifty Shades of Grey. (Note: I have neither read the book nor seen the film, so I am not biased.)

An excerpt from Cantor’s warning:

“I want to strongly encourage you: DON’T GIVE IN! It is a gateway to demonic bondage. Don’t open the door! As Paul warns “Don’t give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:27). Going to this movie could be the beginning of years of sexual bondage (and I mean bondage in bad way!). Again, don’t open the door.”

Okay, so no thrift store clothing, no fetal photos on Facebook and no Fifty Shades of Grey.

Even though I haven’t seen the film nor read the book, I wonder how either can start you on a downward trajectory towards “demonic” bondage. So. Fifty Shades is to demonic sexual bondage what marijuana is to heroin? Is it possible that the demons involved in bondage slithered out of the clothes from Goodwill you forgot to pray over before bringing into your home? Are demons good in bed? So many questions.

Here’s what Pat Robertson has to say about Fifty Shades:

 “. . . an unbelievable story of sadomasochistic bondage of women.”

“It’s about all kinds of sadomasochism, it’s about bondage, about whips, it’s about boiling oil, it’s about various types of restraints,” he explained on “The 700 Club.”

Well, if Pat Robertson says it’s true, that’s good enough for me.



Celebrity Bull***t Artist

Wall-ESoylent Green

top photo: Charlie NZbottom photo: bandita

Bullshit has its uses. I can sling BS as well as the next guy or gal; sometimes it’s necessary to protect yourself, your loved ones or your job. But there are some forms of BS that really get under my skin, especially that purveyed by celebrities. Do I hold them to a higher standard because they are mega-wealthy, mega-privileged and can go “gypsetting” around the world? Perhaps. “Gypset,” by the way, is a term coined by journalist, travel writer and adventurer Julia Chaplin, describing a “nomadic yet sophisticated cadre of travelers” she encountered while on assignment as a travel writer, covering, as she puts it, “really jet-set-y things,” like the Cannes Film Festival or St. Barths.

One of the hottest celebrity artists is Daniel Arsham, featured in Ms. Chaplin’s article in The New York Times.

Singer-songwriter Pharrell Williams, who met Arsham at a dinner at a Miami gallery seven years ago, says, “Daniel is a master of illusion and science. The metaphors of his work read true to humans.”

Who else would they read true to, rhinos, baboons, aardvarks?

He went further to say, It’s not based upon languages. It’s based upon human reaction and response to his work.”

Okay, so language isn’t necessary, and humans respond to his work. Not aardvarks? If language isn’t needed, why can’t non-humans appreciate it?


Heather Paul

Al Moran, founder of Ohwow Gallery, which represents Arsham in Los Angeles, says, “The notion that highbrow and lowbrow culture are two separate things is a dated concept. Those two things have merged into one, and Daniel’s practice reflects that.”

Color me unhip, but “practice” is a term generally applied to lawyers, doctors, Buddhists, but not to visual artists. Help me out here.

Chaplin refers to his instagram account as “artwork in itself” with a perspective that is “at once playful and apocalyptic.”

Let me invoke SNL’s Linda Richman for a moment: Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. Playful apocalypse is neither playful nor an apocalypse—discuss. There, I feel better.

And if you are still unsure about the nature of his oeuvre, worry not, he is currently working on a 9-part feature film he wrote and directed called Future Relic, “exploring quotidian life in a post-ecological future.”

This evokes a Soylent Green / Wall-E world, with no plant or animal life, a dead earth. How cheerful.

The film stars James Franco, Juliette Lewis and Lukas Haas. A non-speaking Mr. Franco is dressed in silver safety pants while examining “calcified” objects against a soundtrack of “retro” Hawaiian music.

I wonder what the scenes with Lewis and Haas will entail.

In Arsham’s own words, “The future I’m interested in is pedestrian and everyday. It’s broken, but there’s also a lightness to it.”

Profound? I don’t think so.

Bullshit? Certainly.