Paul Ryan’s Beard

Paul Ryan and Eddie Munster

(google image)

It occurred to me yesterday (I know it’s all over the internet, but I honestly didn’t know till yesterday) that Paul Ryan bears a striking resemblance to Eddie Munster on the TV show, The Munsters. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say.

paul-ryan-beard-resized

(google image)

Thank God he finally lost that beard. Was he going for a “kinder, gentler, smug, evil bastard” look, or was he simply too exhausted from being an obscenely overpaid “maker”  and shaming the hardworking, non-elite “takers” to shave once a day?  Perhaps he was going for the metrosexual look. Some conservative critics referred to his scruff disparagingly as a “Muslim beard.”

“No word yet on whether Ryan’s beard is a result of his relentless, sleep-in-the-office work ethic, or if it’s just an effort to reach out to younger voters with a newer, hipper image,” Elizabeth Bruenig of New Republic wrote.

I’m pretty sure he was told to ditch the beard before the Koch Brothers or whomever is pulling his strings started engineering his “phantom” campaign for president.

I would love to see Ryan with a “man bun,” wouldn’t you?

Paul Ryan man bun

(google image)

As a final ode to the missing facial hair of Paul Ryan, I leave you with a poem by the late, great George Carlin:

And who can forget this one (also by Carlin):

See my beard
Ain’t it weird
Don’t be sceered
it’s just a beard.

It’s Like Being Shot or Poisoned

I have to say I’m liking South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham more and more these days. He certainly has a sense of humor. Here’s what he had to say on the choice between Trump and Cruz as the Republican nominee:

“It’s like being shot or poisoned,” he said. “What does it really matter?”

He added, “When Donald Trump speaks about foreign policy, it scares the hell out of me.”

Since Graham dropped out of the presidential race, he seems far more relaxed. He’s kind of the political equivalent of Paul Lynde on The Hollywood Squares.

You can read Graham’s best zingers from the “kids’ table” Republican debates here.  Makes me wish I had seen them.

A couple of my favorites:

On Texas Sen. Ted Cruz’s foreign policy and love for The Princess Bride:

“Ted, getting in bed with Iran and Russia to save Assad is inconceivable. Princess Buttercup would not like this.”

On Russian President Vladimir Putin:

“I’m not afraid of a guy running around on a horse without a shirt.”

Happy Friday, everyone!

 

I’m An American Goddamit, Part 2

4052874486_c7b0e335f5_z

(photo by Kevin Dooley)

Written by Josiah Enoch Jones, a real American.

Get your asses
out to caucus for
my man
the guy with
the green
who’s gonna
make America
great again

Didn’t I tell you
he gets all the
babes?
Palin’s with him now
She was smoking hot
in that Frederick’s
of Hollywood
top – she’s what we
need in the White House
She’s the MILF
for me

Forget the other ones
no way
guy with pointy nose
from Canada
who’s not a real American
and weak Jeb
and the other pudgy-face
They’re too soft
like Trump said

And don’t get me started on the
lady in the pantsuit
or the old man from Vermont
socialist-commie-pinko
go back to Russia
if you love it so much!

all those kids
who love him
should go back
to Russia too

I’m sticking with
my main man,
who tells it
like it is
who has the highest
Ratings
he always tell us that
No losers for me

Megyn Kelly
should burn in hell
after what she did to him
Someone should take her out

Now I’m just gonna
keep working-working-working
and stay strong
and try to not foreclose
on my house
and see what’s on sale
at Food Lion for dinner

I haven’t gotten a raise
in four years
my wife left me
my kid’s getting skinny
I don’t know why, and
she won’t talk to me
she wears black lipstick

But Trump
will make
America
great again
when he fixes
America
I’ll get a hot
babe too
he’ll raise up
the working man
he’ll save us
he’s got to

 

 

 

 

I’m an American Goddamit

american flag

(google images)

Written by Josiah Enoch Jones, a real American.

A new roof
vinyl siding
credit card maxing for
a patch of green
who needs
purple mountain majesties
when you can workworkwork
in the boot strap pulling
Land of the Brave
Home of the Free

I clawed my way to the middle

Trump will save me
He’s no nonsense
speaks for the little guy
not like those others
I’m no xenophobe-what’s that?
or other-phobe
he speaks for me
no commie socialist, muslin
or un-hot lady in pantsuit
grandma for me

In the Land of the Brave
Home of the Free

I clawed my way to the middle

His wife is hot
she’s a model
he gets the best ass
because he’s rich and
smart
I can be that too
he will make America
great again
I will have what he has
because he says so

In the Land of the Brave
Home of the Free

I can get out of this shit hole
and live like him
I won’t foreclose on my house
I will be able to pay my kid’s
college tuition
I won’t pay more in taxes
I will have what he has
and if I don’t
I will kill him
but I know
that won’t come to pass
since he will make
America great again

I clawed my way to the middle

I deserve it

I’m an American
Goddamit