If Mama Was Married

On Saturday I saw Mom for a pre-Mother’s Day visit. I brought her cookies, her favorite Yardley English Lavender soap, a card and a bouquet of peach-yellow roses.

She had some very exciting news to impart.

“I had a proposal of marriage,” she said.

“Wow. Really? From whom?”

“A younger man,” she said, flushing with excitement.

“Oh boy. Does he live here?”

“I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s all over now.”

“So you said ‘no’?”

“Yes, it was silly,” she said, still blushing.

“That’s very exciting, Mom. What does he look like?”

“Much younger, and very handsome. Bald.”

“Oh, my.”

We took a spin up and down the halls and into the day room.

“Make sure to point him out to me if you see him,” I said.

“Okay, but I don’t think he’s here anymore.”

I spotted some new male residents in her unit–one was bald and smiling, strapped into his wheelchair. I wondered if that was her new beau.

One of the aides said, “Hi, Katherine. So I heard you’re getting married.”

Mom smiled. “Isn’t it exciting?” I said to the aide.

We returned to her room and watched part of The Hustler on Turner Classic Movies and had coffee and cookies.

“You know what else?” she said, giddily. “He washed my face.”

“Isn’t that nice.”

“He said, ‘I wanted to see if you were wearing any makeup because you look so
young.’ ” She was giggling as she said this.

“And you weren’t wearing makeup.”

“No. I still can’t believe it,” she said.

I started to think she might be talking about her boyfriend from back in Milwaukee, the blond German one that she was so crazy about. I wasn’t sure, though.

It doesn’t matter. She was happy, ebullient, feeling cherished and attractive again. What could be wrong with that? And wouldn’t it be swell if Mama got married?

Melania Meets The Stepford Wives

Did anyone else find Melania’s stump speech in Milwaukee bizarre?

It has the surreal air of Patty Hearst meets The Stepford Wives.  Perhaps it’s the short baby blue dress attempting, unsuccessfully, to un-sex and de-glamorize her, or is it the forced, canned nature of her speech?

Her dress reminded me of Baby June’s dress in Gypsy. Were the image stylists going for a “baby doll” look? I don’t think so, probably it was more of a girl next door who happens to be from Slovenia.

Baby June(l

(google image – Gypsy with Patti LuPone, Baby June far right)

Don’t you just want Melania to break out singing “Let Me Entertain You?”

My interpretation of Melania’s speech:

Yes, you will love The Donald as I love The Donald.

He will make the best leader.

You will believe every word I say or I will devour you whole and make you into a Stepford Wife.

You will never be as gorgeous and rich as I am, but you will find me relatable somehow and realize how much He loves women and isn’t a sexist pig.