20 Months

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Today is the 20-month anniversary of Lorin’s death. I think about him every day, and light a candle for him every night. The passage of time has not altered my love for him or the depth of my sadness, and anger, that he has left this earth.

Lorin and I loved our many road trips together. He used to say he was “Driving Miss Sweetie” — Miss Sweetie being me.

We planned our music, audio books, snacks and drinks ahead of time. It was always an adventure.

On the drive home from Orlando after a long weekend, there was a delay on I-4 East due to a car accident. A fatal car accident.

In the past, I might have been annoyed at such a delay, but yesterday I felt differently.

I imagined how annoyed motorists must have been after our car accident on September 29, 2016. How they might have been complaining how they would be late for work or to  take their kids to school that morning. I used to be one of those people.

Yesterday I felt profound sadness.  Tears welled in my eyes as I thought of the life or lives that were lost on I-4. As we passed the mangled red SUV, I said a brief prayer for the deceased and his / her family.

Another lost soul on the American highway.

Another family, grief-stricken and traumatized.

I will never forget the beautiful person I lost on September 29, 2016. I am forever altered and still struggle to understand why only my cat Samson and I survived.

Perhaps someday it will all come clear. Until that day, I will do the best I can to make sense of it all and live another day.

12 thoughts on “20 Months

  1. You really brought it home about pausing to look at the bigger picture during those moments in life that feel so frustrating. I highly recommend that you read the books of Brian Weiss, M.D., particularly “Messages from the Masters” and “Many Lives, Many Masters.” These two books have completely changed my outlook on death, why we’re here, and afterlife. Weiss is an ivy-league educated doctor that offers enough proof to eliminate any idea of coincidence, and his words have made a marked difference in how I now look at life. You can either find the books onine or at your local public library. I think you might benefit from reading them. Just email me via my WordPress account if you need any more info.
    All the best to you. Donna

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are so many questions I have about things that have happened to me and the people in my life. I do get answers on some, but most of them will remain a mystery. Perhaps they are not suppose to be revealed yet-I don’t know. While we are in “the life” here, it’s a struggle sometimes to be in life, but when I get that pretty good day, I am grateful and I milk that sucker dry. I wish good days for you and a big ass udder. Love to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know I haven’t been around in a while, but I so often think of you, Erica, and wish you well and hope you’re healing. This was heartbreaking to read, but having experienced several losses in the past few years, I understand. The ache may never quite go away. But I hope healing will come, and I hope that in your everyday life, there are at least small moments of happiness – a silly show you like, music you enjoy, plans you’re looking forward to. I’m, as always, glad you have Samson. Please give him a pat for me. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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