Today is the eleven month anniversary of Lorin’s death. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. We would have been married nine years.

I do not plan to celebrate our anniversary. I will light a candle for Lorin as I do every night and try to think about the happy times we shared.

Lorin died three days after my birthday, so that will be another day I think I’d rather forget.  We were planning to celebrate my birthday in Savannah when we arrived, intact. He bought me some jewelry and was very excited about giving it to me. The jewelry did not survive the car accident. It went missing or was destroyed, don’t know which.

Some pearls of wisdom from the world of trauma and grief:

(1)  Things that used to be bother me a great deal don’t bother me anymore.

(2)  Things that didn’t bother me before may really upset me.

(3) Don’t waste time.

(4) I do not suffer whiners gladly.

I am still trying to figure out why I survived, what my purpose is. It’s lonely being the survivor. Samson survived too. I couldn’t touch him for the first couple weeks after the accident. He seemed afraid of me and was obviously traumatized. When he finally let me pick him up, he seemed uncomfortable or in pain. His little bones must have been bruised.

Here he is with his new best friend Bo, who I adopted in November:

This song is dedicated to my dear Lorin, who was a wonderful dancer. He liked to grab me while I was in the kitchen or in the living room fussing, and start dancing with me. I miss that, among other things.  I wish I could dance with him one more time.


12 thoughts on “Anniversaries

  1. Samson and Bo are sitting close to each other, so it is good they have each others company. You probably like their company as well. I think numbers one and four go together, as a realistic perspective is put on events and “problems.” On the other hand #3–I am a good time waster! My problem is there is no wife to tell me to get things done, so who cares if I do them or not?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad Samson and Bo hit it off. It’s hard to read your posts sometime, the pain is so real, but I am so grateful you are open to sharing and healing with strangers. This next month will be hard and I will be praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you, Erica, for communicating your thoughts, the beautiful and the painful ones. May you continue to live with Lorin’s memory and cherish the time you had together. Your “purpose” will reveal itself in time – no rush.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s good to read this – signs of healing, through the grief. Though of course it’s still hard, understandably. My heart goes out to you. I am so happy that you adopted another cat and hope that Bo will continue to bring you and Samson joy. All the best to the three of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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