I Am the Widow

(google image)

I am the thing that keeps you up at night
I am the thing that makes me sick
I am the elephant in the room

I am the widow not wearing black
I am the hands tied behind my back

Certain things are expected of me
I try to keep up appearances

the world is watching
ever watching

I am the one who dirties your dreams
I am the guilty Sophie’s Choice survivor
I didn’t ask to live
Who chose me?

I am the one you can pity
and despise
for not being who you want me to be
I am angry, angry, angry
wanting to tear off my own skin

I am not the Merry Widow
I am not the ever-mourning one either

I am not made of wax
but I burn

I want you to understand
but I don’t think you can

15 thoughts on “I Am the Widow

  1. I always admire your honest exploration of what you’re going through, with your writing. I am also glad that you have this outlet, and reading your comment that you might write something inspired by this whole experience, makes me think of a green chute of grass coming through ashy ground.

    I know this poem is what you feel and it breaks my heart. I wish I could reassure you, too, that you’re not a nightmarish creature or someone who made a choice – I certainly don’t think of you that way. Just someone who had something horrible happen to them, and who is also fighting through its aftermath. Brilliantly.

    Sending a hug from over here, and a chin scratch for Samson.

    Liked by 1 person

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