Rage at the Machine

(google image)

No one to blame
so let’s blame the machine
the machine that drove us to his death
the black Ford Explorer with champagne trim,
like Stephen King’s Christine

or we can blame lack of sleep
we both fell asleep–
not a Viking death
as Lorin had hoped for

death be not proud*

I am not proud

I am deeply depressed

I want to get over it
but I can’t seem to
so I’m trying to get through it
every day

but the days are long
and they don’t make sense

Let’s blame the machine,
the inanimate object,
not the humans who
controlled it
and lost control of it

the lives lost
the heartbreak

blame the machine

 

 

*Death, be not proud (John Donne)

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

 

19 thoughts on “Rage at the Machine

  1. Each day that you live fully brings more healing. He is still with you. He will always be with you. Yes, blame the machine, blame the lack of sleep, but know that your soul bond is forever. I send you love and healing thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 7 years ago when my wife died, I spent much time doing a “memorial page” on my cat blog, of all places! The page lasted longer than a one day obituary column in the newspaper, and I liked that. It is long gone now. Wish I could tell you it will all go away, but I am still waiting. It is kind of like having your arm cut off with an ax. The pain is terrible but eventually moderates with time. The problem is you cannot forget your arm is missing and it still aches. Her clothes are still all hanging in the bedroom closet–to the disapproval of many. Seeing and touching them makes me feel closer to her. You got to do the best you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you, Greg. I still haven’t unpacked a room full of boxes. I moved into the apartment alone, and still cannot totally settle in. It’s been almost 6 months, but I have to be patient with myself about the time frame for unpacking. It will happen when it happens.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A beautiful piece….thank you for sharing your heart with us. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending a virtual hug…..Unfortunately, that’s all I can do…… (((Hugs))) Lucie

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Erica,

    Thank you for keeping in touch. I and your other friends want to hear it all, the toughest days and the ones where something gives a little. You are completely correct, it won’t ever really be behind you, but you will move through the grief with varying degrees of ease in the weeks and months ahead. Have you considered a grief group?

    I love you unreservedly,
    Lynn

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Donne is a good poet to read at all times. And Savannah is a good place to be, a healing place. I’ve been there many times and always take a lesson back with me. You are in my thoughts… jc

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think of you often, and I’m glad you’re writing, it will help even though you may not see it right now, sending healing prayers for peace to you, and I have loved the Death be not proud since high school (teen angst days), and I’m glad to see you back again, Peace and hugs, K

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Erica, I’ve come back here and read your poem over a bunch of times. It really stuck in my heart. I care and feel so much for all you are going through. Thank you for sharing your heart on this page. I so hope in time the pain lessens.
    I know its not the same, but Lorin’s huge love will always be with you. No machine can ever take away that love.
    Sending you a huge hug from my heart to yours. 💟

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Isn’t it a gift to be able to write and share our thoughts? I can’t imagine what it would be like to bottle things inside. I’m glad you’re writing, setting down these thoughts. In the long run, I think it will be helpful – maybe in the short run, sometimes, too. So keep going, keep writing. I wish there were something I could say. You’ve been in my thoughts a lot, especially these past few days. Hang in there. Know there’s a lot of love around you. Write it out. And take things on your own terms, as much as that’s possible. Sending a hug from over here.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think of you every day even though I have my own sage . I miss the cats so much and thinknof your new journey and how strong you are I do learn and grab from you . Stay strong pretty lady . D

    Liked by 1 person

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