Ghost

casper_in_live-action

(google image)

I am your friendly neighborhood ghost,
like Casper.
You see me every day.
I do what you do,
even Christmas shopping.
I wear normal clothes,
don’t smear myself in feces
or wear a burlap sack.

I look normal,
but I’m not.
I’m lost
flying in and out
of reality
thinking thoughts
no person should
grieving,
raging,
wanting vengeance
for the loss of
the  one who will never return

Hating Jesus,
hating people who want me
to embrace him
as my Lord and personal savior
I don’t want a personal savior.
I want my husband back.

I am your friendly neighborhood ghost
don’t mind me
I’m not really here

8 thoughts on “Ghost

  1. You might want to step away from social media, tv, etc. and allow yourself to grieve and heal without the constant reminders of “the most wonderful time of the year.” I haven’t suffered your kind of loss, Erika, but I understand some of the pain. I used to dream of waking up on Jan. 2, on a beach, in Aruba. Please take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Erica, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the emotions and pain you are feeling. Your poem opens a window to your heart. I hope in time the pain lessens. And that when you slip in and out of this reality kind people and friends and good things are on your path. You have a beautiful heart and that is my wish for you. Your poem reminds me that we should always be kind and caring because we don’t always know what a person we may encounter may be going through. I’m sending you so much love and caring as I can from my heart to yours, dear friend. 💟

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This would be interesting and insightful regardless of who wrote it – that I know your story also makes it heartbreaking. I wish I could help in some way. I think so many of the comments here put into words what I want to say.

    As for the Jesus thing, maybe some of it, at least, is just people not knowing what to say, and thinking that’s what they have to do. I can understand how it must enrage you, but at least it’s coming from a positive place, see it as just clumsy caring or reaching out. I don’t know that that will help, though. I agree with everyone who says to try to disconnect as much as possible from social media, etc, pushing the holiday season.

    Or, if some part of you does want to celebrate the holidays, try to create your own new traditions, heartbreaking as that might be. When my beloved father-in-law passed unexpectedly after a brutal, fast battle with cancer a few Christmases ago, it was so hard to reconstruct the joy we’d all felt in previous years. But I tried to remember that he would have wanted us to be happy. The following year, we tried a change of scenery and not hold the celebrations at my in-laws’. My mother-in-law came here and we took in some Parisian holiday season traditions that also made us forget for a bit – just totally different stuff that we probably never would have done with my father-in-law. We were able to build different memories, still remembering him, of course, but not feeling the void of his absence as much.

    I hope MY words weren’t obnoxious – the most important thing is, like everyone else in the comments section (and many more people who know you), my heart goes out to you and I’m keeping you in my thoughts and heart this holiday season (and anytime, for that matter). If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. Really. Sending a hug from across the ocean.

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  4. I know this feeling. It is both unique and universal. You’ve expressed it perfectly, and the fact that you have put pen to paper (so to speak) is a spark of life and light in your new normal. Joy to the World? In very small moments, on a one by one basis. They do happen. Hugs from the Hudson Valley, Erica.

    Liked by 1 person

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