Things I Don’t Understand

1.   Family stencils / decals on the back of cars, or what my husband Lorin calls “the serial killer’s menu.”



2.  People who ride Citi Bikes (New York thing) on the sidewalk. It’s both rude and dangerous. Oh, and don’t get me started on the ones who go through red lights and ride on the wrong side of the road.


3.  People who race through Shoprite as if their carts are on fire. It’s kind of weird and also dangerous: you could hit a little kid or old lady that way!

shopping carts

(photo by me)

4.  Why cashiers at Duane Reade say, “the following guest” or simply “the following”? I never feel like I’m a guest at Duane Reade. Are we at a party or a pharmacy?

5.  Why we can’t pump our own gas in New Jersey. NJ folks text, apply makeup, give themselves bikini waxes, eat entire meals, read newspapers and talk on the phone in their cars, but we’re not allowed to pump our own gas. Some of us don’t mind a bit: bumper stickers and T-shirts abound proclaiming:


6.  Why Governor Christie is still in office. The New York Times aired the latest dirty laundry: giving his pal Donald Trump a major break on taxes for the Taj Mahal Casino. No wonder the Garden State can’t afford decent lighting on the roadways and pothole repair.

7.  Why people don’t like Sphynx cats. Come on, look at this puss.


8. Short people on the NJ Transit bus who lean their seats all the way back so the person behind them gets their legs crushed. Is it a Napoleon complex? By the way, it’s generally smaller women who do this.  Same goes for people on airplanes. It’s rude!

9.  People with “glass head syndrome.” Those are the co-workers who are friendly to you one day and the next look through you as if your head was made of glass and you don’t exist.

10.  Cookie dough ice cream. Both cookie dough and the ice cream of the same name make me sick to my stomach, and I love baking.


8 thoughts on “Things I Don’t Understand

  1. We had a columnist at the last paper I worked for whose idea tank was dry one day, and he wrote an entire column that might explain the glass-head syndrome. It was something about what do you say to a co-worker the second or third time you meet him or her in a corridor after you’ve exchanged greetings with him or her once already that day. He tossed out some suggestions, none of which were ingenious, altho the “knowing smirk” one made me laff a little because this guy wore a perpetual knowing smirk. I’ve wondered myself about it ever since.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh boy, do you and I agree or what???? I once had a 6 hour plane flight with the woman in front of me “on my lap” the entire trip. I couldn’t even read! Had to lean-over on the guy to the left of me…..your husband’s “serial killer” comment cracked me up!!! Funny piece. Loved it. (And I never knew NJ doesn’t let its customers pump your own gas! Thought that Oregon was the only state that did that. Hm…..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I work for a super large international convenience store/gas station chain doing environmental compliance. I always wondered why we have no stores in NJ. Now I know! I didn’t realize you couldn’t pump your own gas. I imagine having employees put gas in everyone’s car is an insurance liability nightmare.

    Liked by 1 person

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