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They are here. The rampaging turkeys of Bergen County, New Jersey. They have made their mark in Hillsdale. I wonder if they’ll be ravaging our town next! We live in the same county. Where is Alfred Hitchcock when you need him?

Pyscho Turkeys, qu’est-ce que c’e.

The New York Times ran an article today about these feathered maniacs:

“In some neighborhoods of this placid New Jersey borough in Bergen County, they are seemingly everywhere–waddling by the dozen in the road, perched on car roofs, pecking at the tires of delivery trucks.”

Nature fights back!

Apparently the Hillsdale postmaster called the police department to report that one of his mail carriers was being attacked by THEM and was unable to deliver the mail.

“It was one of the latest skirmishes in suburbia’s wildlife wars.  Turkeys have now joined the ranks of raccoons, foxes, coyotes, bears and deer . . .”

“Wildlife Wars”? I hear a reality TV show calling, don’t you?

We will have to add this to our country’s current list of “wars.” As if President Obama didn’t have enough on his plate:

• The War on Drugs
• The War on Poverty
• The War on Homelessness
• The War on Terrorists
• The War on Climate Change
• The War on Wildlife (?)

But I thought we were already waging this war? I must be mistaken.

Turkeys are also snarling traffic.  Larry Hajna, spokesman for the state’s Department of Environmental Protection said, “They will go out in the road and if they get onto a major highway, they can be a traffic and safety hazard.”

The Times article goes on to say that wild turkeys were exterminated in New York State in the 1800s, but officials started to restore their ranks in the 1950s.

Turkey guilt?

Today the population ranges from 250,000 to 300,000.

One of the Hillsdale postal carriers has learned how to deal with these gobbling menaces to society.  He acts the part of the “alpha male” by wading through flocks with an air of confidence.

Mr. Hajna said the birds may be suffering from premature spring fever or “crazy jake” behavior.

“When the day lengthens, hormones start to flow. Teenage males, or jakes, that are habituated to people get a bit aggressive.”

Okay, so they are simply hormone-infused teenagers acting out.  Let’s cut them some slack, folks.  Give a turkey a break.