(photo – dizziness-and-balance.com)
UBOs or unidentified bright objects
the neurologist said
It’s a joke
bright spots on the MRI
very common
he said
After waiting three weeks
for the results
I had time to contemplate
what it might be
trying hard not to over-think or over-google
Changes in the brain’s white matter can be indicators of small vessel ischemia or MS
or early onset Alzheimer’s.
I had three weeks to contemplate
what my life might be with a brain “condition.”
Would I be able to keep writing?
Would I end up in a wheelchair?
Would I be able to travel?
Before the dizziness and migraines began,
I had dreams of being unable to walk,
Leaden legs
stuck in quicksand
dangerous people chasing me
I couldn’t get away
I know a lot of it has to do with my mother,
who has Alzheimer’s, and is wheelchair-bound
for going on 5 years
Would that be my fate?
Would I end up in a nursing home like her?
I never wanted to be like her
but I felt I was getting closer to
being just that
We could babble to each other
incoherently,
stare straight ahead
like in Being There,
think Trump is funny
and not a threat
I don’t want to be a burden to my husband
he knows I don’t want to live like that
Unidentified bright objects
Not a brain disease
probably nothing
the doctor says
but he sent me for a blood test
to rule things out–
Lyme disease, auto-immune disease,
heart condition
Unidentified bright objects
I guess I have
a second chance
Suburban Hobo 
I have found that being a patient requires nerves of steel and the calm of a Buddhist monk. Doctors throw terms out at us, casually, like confetti and don’t get that your quality of life hangs in the balance. Your entire life flashes before your eyes, every time a new finding is discovered…it’s another trip down the rabbit hole. It’s safer to not Google too much, let your cats take the lead and sit quietly until shit appears, then pounce like your life depends on it…because it does.
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Yes, exactly, Nancy. To them, our body parts / abnormalities / conditions are something to be studied, observed and/or operated on. To us, it’s a whole other animal. As you said, our quality of life, our future.
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With “Being There” and the Trump reference, your sense of humor is intact, no matter what’s going on in that brain. Wishing you the best of outcomes. You are wise to stay away from the internet diagnosis. 💕
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Thank you, van.
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Holding my breath, Erica. And I agree with Van.
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Thank you, Matt.
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Hoping all is well x
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Thank you, Lisa. xo
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well said, and conveyed
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Thank you, Dean.
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