Unidentified Bright Objects

UBOsjpg

(photo – dizziness-and-balance.com)

UBOs or unidentified bright objects
the neurologist said
It’s a joke
bright spots on the MRI
very common
he said

After waiting three weeks
for the results
I had time to contemplate
what it might be
trying hard not to over-think or over-google

Changes in the brain’s white matter can be indicators of small vessel ischemia or MS
or early onset Alzheimer’s.

I had three weeks to contemplate
what my life might be with a brain “condition.”
Would I be able to keep writing?
Would I end up in a wheelchair?
Would I be able to travel?

Before the dizziness and migraines began,
I had dreams of being unable to walk,
Leaden legs
stuck in quicksand
dangerous people chasing me
I couldn’t get away

I know a lot of it has to do with my mother,
who has Alzheimer’s, and is wheelchair-bound
for going on 5 years
Would that be my fate?
Would I end up in a nursing home like her?

I never wanted to be like her
but I felt I was getting closer to
being just that

We could babble to each other
incoherently,
stare straight ahead
like in Being There,
think Trump is funny
and not a threat

I don’t want to be a burden to my husband
he knows I don’t want to live like that

Unidentified bright objects

Not a brain disease
probably nothing
the doctor says
but he sent me for a blood test
to rule things out–
Lyme disease, auto-immune disease,
heart condition

Unidentified bright objects

I guess I have
a second chance

10 thoughts on “Unidentified Bright Objects

  1. I have found that being a patient requires nerves of steel and the calm of a Buddhist monk. Doctors throw terms out at us, casually, like confetti and don’t get that your quality of life hangs in the balance. Your entire life flashes before your eyes, every time a new finding is discovered…it’s another trip down the rabbit hole. It’s safer to not Google too much, let your cats take the lead and sit quietly until shit appears, then pounce like your life depends on it…because it does.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, exactly, Nancy. To them, our body parts / abnormalities / conditions are something to be studied, observed and/or operated on. To us, it’s a whole other animal. As you said, our quality of life, our future.

      Like

Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s