Almost as bad as the Spanish Inquisition is the Feline Tribunal. The reckoning when we humans do not arrive home at the prescribed hour. This happened last Thursday.

Lorin usually arrives home from work at 5:30, and I typically arrive between 7:00 and 7:30 p.m. Thursday night after work we drove to a friend’s birthday party in Brooklyn, and didn’t arrive home till about 11:30. Three of the four feline inquisitors awaited us, and they were none too pleased.

They gathered at the front door, pacing, then stared us down. No time to remove our shoes or change into pajamas. They demanded justice, in the form of food. Sylvester cawed in outrage and headed toward the kitchen, Quincy and Samson in tow. Quincy received his nightly medicine, which caused further unrest among the triumvirate. Karl remained upstairs. Perhaps he had other plans in store for us. Actually, he is a very timid feline, and usually comes down last for his share of food. But I digress.

These felines are not to be trifled with.  Warning: the following photographs may be disturbing to some viewers.

Samson in the tub

Quincy (holding toy mouse) and Samson (in box)

Sylvester doing yoga

I believe they’ve been inspired by the TV series “Zoo,” based on the James Patterson novel of the same name, which premiered on June 30. In the first episode, the neighborhood house cats go missing, and are later discovered by two of the human protagonists, veterinarian Mitch Morgan (Billy Burke) and journalist Jamie Campbell (Kristen Connolly) one evening. The cats—all ages and breeds–are perched in a tall tree, their glowing eyes cast down upon them. The animals are communicating with one another, joining forces against a common enemy: humans.

Lorin and I have witnessed what cats are capable of. Quincy, for example, engages in mixed martial arts (MMA) matches with Lorin—paws always victorious over hands—and isn’t satisfied until he draws blood. As I said, they are not to be trifled with.

Never assume that while you are spending a night away at a party, that they are not hatching a master plan to take over the world. Do not be deceived by leg rubs, head butts and coy purrs. These are clever devices meant to win hearts and minds, and they work. The Feline Nation is on the rise.

They have yet to state their demands, but I will keep you posted.

Photographs by E. Herd and L.E. Swenson