I thought it was only me and thousands of other working people, but it turns out that Jesus hates commuting too. How do I know? Well, he appeared to me on the NJ Transit bus the other day.
He was a tall African American with chiseled features, wearing jeans, a button down white shirt and Birkenstocks.
Before sitting next to me, he removed the soiled coffee cup and food wrappers wedged in beside his seat.
“How can you stand this?” He said.
“I don’t know, Jesus. I guess we just get used to it.”
“And the mildew and dust?” He said, coughing.
“The same. If you don’t mind me asking, Jesus, why are you in New Jersey?”
“Trying to convince Governor Christie from running for president. Not sure I succeeded.”
We sat outside the “teardrop” NJ Turnpike toll plaza for almost thirty minutes. It was 9:00.
“I have to be somewhere at 9:30,” He said.
“So do most of us,” I said. “Can you fix it?”
“This is beyond my powers,” He said, shaking his dreadlocks.
I thought to myself, If that’s the case, then we are royally fucked. I didn’t think Jesus would approve of profanity.
Jesus sneezed.
“God bless you,” I said.
He looked at me quizzically.
“Oh, sorry,” I said.
“Are you late for work every day?” Jesus said.
“Not every day, maybe every other day.”
“How do you accomplish anything ?”
“It’s a challenge.”
Jesus started to sweat.
“Hey, Jesus, do you want to listen to Pandora or read the paper? It’ll pass the time.”
“What’s Pandora?” He said.
“It’s a radio station on the iPhone.” I pulled out my phone to show Him.
“Oh, cool. Sure.”
He was rocking out to the Five Blind Boys of Alabama singing “I’ll Fly Away.”
It was 9:26 when we arrived at Port Authority Bus Terminal.
“Where are you headed, Jesus?”
“I’ve got to be at the Brooklyn Bridge to stop someone from doing something stupid.”
“You won’t make it, Jesus.”
“Shit! I mean, shoot,” He said.
“It’s okay, Jesus. Commuting’ll do that to you.”
“I don’t know how you stand it, Erica. I hate commuting.”
We shook hands before exiting the bus; then Jesus flew down a flight of stairs.
Suburban Hobo 
Jesus, I love this post!
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Ha ha, thanks!
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Amen!
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😎 Radically cool.
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Thanks.
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You wonder what he says when he gets upset. Does he mutter, “me”?
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Good question.
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Brilliant post!!! Love this!!! I hope someone from the Port Authority reads it…maybe put some fire under their ass!!! If Jesus can’t get to the Brooklyn Bridge in time-WTF?
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Love this post!! I hope someone from the Port Authority reads this. If Jesus can’t get to the Brooklyn Bridge in time, and you’re late ever other day…. then really…WTF?!!
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It’s a lost cause, Nancy. Port Authority has said they are going to start renovating the dilapidated terminal / bus system in 10 years.
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Oh the spiritual, mental, and physical challenges of th NJ|NYC commute. I drove in yesterday so I could take a late call (phone calls are strictly prohibited on our bus line) and still make it to an appt in NJ. It took 54 minutes between pulling out of my spot on the top floor of port authority to the ticket booth at the bottom.
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Indeed, it’s a special kind of purgatory, I would dare say.
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You’re too funny! Hey! Look at it this way, commuting’s a pain in the butt, but you get some interesting posts from it, eh???? And on another note, I need to look into why you’re not showing up on my blogs that I follow….I haven’t been notified…..half the time I don’t know if it’s ME, my new computer or WordPress! Anyway, glad to read you, again, was wondering what you were up to! 🙂
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Hehe, love this post! Really awesome!
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Thanks!
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