(1) The sequel to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, aptly called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 2.
I know why it was made, but I don’t like the idea that it was made (to clarify, I haven’t seen it yet). Everything good (or not, sometimes) gets commodified and franchised. Don’t believe me? Watch Black Mirror. Everything I know comes from Netflix.
(2) Bad Chinese astrology.
This is my Chinese horoscope for the day:
In the news: Check for the opening of a great new play. Don’t be surprised if a celebrity you know is having an emotionally difficult time. What the heck, pick up a copy of People magazine while in the supermarket checkout line and catch up on the latest Hollywood gossip.
WTF? Okay, I guess I can do the first thing, but play-going is an expensive venture, especially in NYC. “Celebrities I know”? How many of us actually know celebrities? And I refuse to pick up a copy of People to check out the latest baby “bumps,” what Hugh Jackman eats for brunch or find out when Jennifer Aston will finally marry Justin Theroux and have that baby that we are all PRAYING for! There’s still time, Jen. We’re all rooting for you!
(3) People who stand too close to you on the bus line at Port Authority.
Do they find it comforting to stand so close—are they cold and need the body heat? Sometimes I feel like the person behind me is my long-lost Siamese twin or wants to ride piggyback. Or do I look like a leaning post to them? I am not a stick of furniture!
(4) Drivers who honk on Sundays or when totally unnecessary.
One Sunday, my reflexes weren’t fast enough to race ahead after the light changed green, and the person behind me (in New Jersey) blared his horn. Where the hell is he going on a Sunday afternoon?
(5) People who text while walking during rush hour in NYC.
Okay, folks, if you need to text, get out of the way! I’ve heard talk of a “texting lane” being established in the U.S., and it can’t come too soon. They already have it in China. They text on the busy streets, walking down and up the subway stairs and on the escalators at Port Authority. Look the hell up! There is a world out there.
It settles and grows, settles and grows and I’m allergic to it and can’t get rid of it, and I hate dusting!
(7) Governor Christie.
He announced yesterday that he could do a better job thwarting ISIS than President Obama. He went so far as to brag that he would implement the same strategies he’s used to make New Jersey the great state it is today. New Jersey is drowning, Christie! Unemployment and poverty have escalated during your tenure, residents are leaving in droves and the state ranks 49th in terms of private sector job growth.
Whew, I feel so much better now. What pisses you off today?