January sneaks in,
a rogue shadow
cold, then warm,
some snow, some rain,
no rest for my mind
it doesn’t know where to go
I am incapable of helping
those close to me who suffer,
cannot stop their pain
Helplessness:
a caretaker’s foe
no off switch
want to fly away
and become the un-caretaker
Narcissist
for a day
Suburban Hobo 
It is extremely hard being the caretaker. All the unsung labor…I’ve been on both sides of the bed in my own way and can say I think it’s actually harder caretaking than being the one needing it. Of course depends on the illness.
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Yes, it is often harder to be the caretaker than the receiver of care.
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One of my favorite CSNY songs. Your poem tugs at the heartstrings, Erica. The wistfulness, the pain. You are an inspiration.
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Erica this is beautiful and heartbreaking. Are you getting some respite care?? Are you taking care of yourself – getting therapy (if you want to talk to someone and vent your pain)?
I know your pain – although it’s been a long time I was caring for my mom – badly – and it is so debilitating, even as you love the person for I think the reason you state here: the helplessness… as only caregivers know.
Please take care!!!
Deb
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Thanks, Deb. I’m doing okay. My mom is actually doing pretty well right now. I wrote this in a down moment. Now we’re taking care of Lorin’s Dad.
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